Dear facebook event invite: I'd love nothing more than to travel 1100 miles to see your half a$$ed band play other people's music in a bar that's filled with 4 people. DECLINE!
I'd SOOO love to get back to reading Facebook updates about e-cards, what people are having for lunch, how they would love to hit the gym but that cookie looks so good, and how much they love their children but they sure are getting on mommy's nerves.
To all the women I've dated. If we have a secret love child together that you never told me about, just have them get me a giftcard for Father's Day. Thanks!