Funny Status Messages

   My past is my past, it made me who I am, I have no regrets, wouldn't change a thing. I just don't live there anymore.

   I'm high tolerance and low maintenance. What more could you ask for in a girlfriend?

   I hate it when I invite people and they actually show up.

   Playing with my hair will get you anything you want.

   By the time most women are comfortable with their bodies, I'm not.

   There are the same number of people on Facebook today as there were people in the whole world in 1804

   What doesnt kill you......seriously disappoints me!

   Women, give them an inch and they'll want all eight.

   All alcohol will make my clothes fall off... tequila just makes that happen in public.

   watchin' the Fall leaves dance in the wind..... Hopefully, their Waltz will end up in the neighbor's yard! : )~

   I can't believe Google is c0cky enough to start guessing after one letter.

   I'm no longer addicted to carving jack-o-lanterns. All thanks to the pumpkin patch.

   Whenever you're talking to someone who is really attractive, the odds of you doing something stupid are multiplied by 100

   The devil and I go way back. It all started that day we were playing with matches!

   I didn't say you were ugly. I said your girlfriend is better looking then you, and standing next to her you look ugly.

   I'm tired of the Police ruining my fun, they said it's "Illegal" to take up an entire aisle in toy section at Walmart by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

   They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We'll see.

   Today's level of difficulty is shaping up to be "Wheelie on a unicycle."

   Nothing ruins a perfectly pleasant day like going to work.

   We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart.