life Funny Status Messages

   Rob ford is the real life Mayor Quimby.

   I only want two things in life: 1. Lose weight 2. Eat. 

   So I saw an old women on a little pink bicycle a few min. ago.....i think she has proven her eligibility for the thug life.

   Life isn't fair. Especially when I'm involved.

   Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

   Life should come with more opportunities to shove peoples faces in cake

   You think your life is bad? I’ve got that “Five dollar foot long” song stuck in my head

   Where have you been my whole life? And could you please go back there?

   Retired members of the House/Senate get $174k for life. Our veterans get 10% unemployment & a pat on the back. I need to go throw up now.

   Life's a b!tch, because if it were a slut, it'd be easy.

   Thank you Facebook for reminding me of my anniversary. Please feel free to torment me with reminders of all of my other poor life decisions while you're at it....

   If you really want a great, fulfilling life you have to work very hard for ..... hold on a sec, they're about to draw the lottery numbers

   If you matured and made changes in Your life, you made a "180"....not a DAMN "360." A "360" means the same Degree of Stupidity..

   Odd how all the 'intelligent life finding instruments' are pointed away from earth.

   ■Unlike drugs, Facebook addiction won't cost you anything, except your social life

   I totally tricked this woman into sleeping with me. All I had to do was put a ring on her finger and live with her for the rest of my life.

   Life is less like a box of chocolate and more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

   Dear God, it's me again. Can you bring the toolbox? My life needs fixing.

   Go Fund Me accounts are for kids with a life threatening illnesses, not adults who are too ignorant to plan for their future...

   David Caruso finds the bomber dead in a boat,,,"Looks like someone could've used a...." (removes shades)... "Life preserver."