Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   All gave some. Some gave all. One had bone spurs.

   Hey, Coca-Cola! I don't know how to be "less white", but I do know how to drink less Coke.

   I wanted to watch the Biggest Loser last night... I turned on the TV, and there he was...

   Everyone is telling Hitler jokes, but I do Nazi what's so funny. It's out of Mein Kampfort zone, Anne Frankly, I'm tired of it

   What's 6 inches and won't get sucked this Valentines Day? Whitney's crack pipe.

   Last night I slept for eight hours straight. Then two hours gay.

   A.D.D stands for Attention Deficite....hey look a butterfly!

   pre drinking for new years

   says "friends with benefits" sounds better than "f*ck buddies".

   watching you change! P.S(you don't look that great naked)

   If 4 out of 5 people suffer with diarrhea,does that one person enjoy it?

   hates when you r waiting 4 the bus & someone asks "has the bus come yet?" if the bus came, would I be standing here??????? Oh right here the f... bus

   I think the statistic that a man thinks about sex every 45 seconds is completely made up, and furthermore I find it insulting!!!.........................it's more like every 15 seconds......;-)

   When people nickname their child "Boo Boo" is that their way of saying their child was an accident?

   I really hate it when people say "that sucks" like it really makes the situation any better.

   Note to Self: Hang up phone BEFORE talking sh!t.

   Team Edward? Team Jacob? How about Team Dracula....you pussies!

   tHInks pEOPle WHo TyPE LikE thiS aRe retARDed.

   thinks Bill Gates and Steve Jobs should be Santa Claus and forced to give us all presents

   A braille porn magazine has been launched ths week - complete with explicit raised text and pictures. At least this is one time where looking at porn won't make you go blind.