Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   Happy Mother's Day to the iPad that's raising your child...

   Dear Axe Bodyspray, Please create a new bottle that allows only one spary every 24 hours. Thank you for your consideration. Signed, Mother of a ten year old boy

   Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

   I had to explain to my brother that a milf is supposed to be someone else's mother..

   Why does the weather man try and educate me on mother nature? Bro, just tell me pants or shorts tomorrow... hoodie or jacket...

   It's a difficult day for me today. Today is the day I tell my dog that I am not his biological mother and that his real mother was a b!tch.

   2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout "air in the hands mother stickers this is a f**k up

   Mother's Day, the celebration after those three little words..."I am late."

   My mother taught me about JUSTICE. “One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you”.

   Even greater than that of a mother... Is the tender, passionate, undying love, Of one beer drunken slob for another.”

   In about 50 years from now, tombstones will read 'Beloved Wife, Mother, Sister, Daughter, and Facebook friend

   Honey Boo Boo's mother has a boyfriend and you're single. Just let that sink in..

   If you have a mom or wife that is an awesome mother don't post it here....get ur lazy ass up and go tell her in person!!

   Looks like Mother Nature is pulling Winter's Band-Aid off one hair at a time!

   The only good thing about having your mother as a FB friend is that no matter how bad your status update bombs in your attempt to be funny, you can always count on her to "like' it

   I'm pretty sure Whoopi Goldberg is Lil Wayne's real mother..

   By the time a woman realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks shes wrong.

   “A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.”

   Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.

   I slammed the car door on my fingers this afternoon. In related news, there's an 83% chance that my nephew just added "Mother*ucker" to his vocabulary.