Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   When I was born, the doctor said to my mother: "Congratulations!!! You have an eight-pound ham."

   Hello, mother. I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.

   Looks Like Kate Goselin Is As Bad A Dancer As She Was Wife And Is A Mother. Jesus Stay Home Lady We Have Had Enough!

   Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the Husband, sharks for the husbands mother.

   HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER - I was shopping for condoms and she asked if I knew how to use them.

   Mother Nature can be cruel sometimes. If I ever meet her I'm gonna snatch her purse. Old B*tch

   Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, but he never called his wife or mother because they were both deaf... which would actually make him the original inventor of the 'booty call' as well.

   my mother always taught me to lick it before I stick it

   When I date single moms, I tell the kids "I'm not trying to fill the hole left by your father; just the ones inside your mother."

   ✓ Adolf Hitler, ✓ Saddam Hussein, ✓ Osama Bin Laden, ☐ Mother-In-Law

   I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby.

   playing punch buggy with your mother

   I asked my mum what she wants for Mother's Day..... She said, all I want is a bit of caring and looking after.....So I put her in a nursing home

   I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

   Another woman cause me to leave my wife. It was her mother.

   the only thing stronger than a mother's love is a garlic breath.

   Just because your a great grand-mother does not give you the right to wear "Juicy" on the seat of your pants...

   [Mother-in-law visiting] -May I use your restroom? -Down the hall first door on the right -That's the front door -You may use the yard

   The temps here (Orlando, FL) were in the low 30s three days ago. Today, the highs are supposed to hit the mid 80s. At exactly what point in time was Mother Nature replaced by The Three Stooges?

   My mother always told me to never quit something I'm good at. So here is to her for making me realise that i'm good at being drunk!