life Funny Status Messages

   since state farm also offers life insurance, why do you never hear a commercial say "like a good neighbor state farm is there....with a bullet in my spouse's head"?

   I'm sure that I'm not alone in this. My whole life Frosted Flakes has been my favorite cereal. I keep it in my freezer as the cereal says Frosted.

   Getting high on life has never helped me get a handjob in a toilet stall.

   I’ll climb down out of this tree when people stop referring to common sense as a life hack

   Hey if life hand's you lemons , you better find someone that life handed sugar and water ,or your lemonaide is gonna taste like crap...

   says that when I asked my wife why she needed to buy so many shoes, she pointed out to me that Cinderella is living proof that shoes CAN change your life!..

   Happy with my life but also open to the possibility of a crow picking me up like a french fry and carrying me away

   The way you're bashing your laptop keyboard is the way your life is going.

   Coworker invited me to lunch which is hilarious because I've never had a job in my life.

   glad Alex Trebek's life isn't in *puts sunglasses on* jeopardy.. actually I really don't care.

   Dear Mr troll some cure disease in life some stop wars you have been able to destroy a fun site to visit. Maybe you can move out of nanas basement next.

   If you think your life can't get any worse, just remember this. you could be Mike Tyson in a Chinese restaurant trying to order the Sweet and Sour Shrimp.

   Life's short don't throw, I mean scroll, it away!

   You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff some guys pay money for in later life.

   If I'm ever on life support and just being kept alive machines, please unplug me and plug me back in. Basically, reboot my body.

   I've made some terrible life choices over the years. Just kidding. I'm married and not allowed to make decisions.

   Life is just like an ice-cream, enjoy it before it melts !!

   The Three Stages of Life: Wanting stuff. Accumulating stuff. Getting rid of stuff.

   I need the type of burger that you’d hide from your life insurance company

   The three stages of life: Wanting stuff... Accumulating stuff... Getting rid of stuff.