Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   singing, "Nah-nah-nah nah. Nah-nah-nah nah. Hey, hey-hey. Goodbye!"

   Thinks we should we get MAURY involved to confirm Osama's DNA?!?!

   the war on terror will never be won... because they hate us more than they love their children.

   i wish it was like the old days when the only thiing I had to worry about was the monster under my bed or which color I wanted to draw a picture

   I don't understand you. You don't understand me. What else do we have in common?

   I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.

   MSNBC is reporting that iguanas and other lizards near Japan are showing signs of radioactive saliva during normal excretion. I told you Godzilla was coming didn't I!?

   The flea market, but I don't call it the flea market. I break it down into sections. Little Mexico, The Illegal Purse District, Pirated Pathway, and Hot in the Shade.

   I'd mind my own business if yours wasn't so damn interesting

   There are two kinds of people who don't say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.

   The number of ways I could care less is astounding!

   Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.

   IMAGINE if Facebook, Twitter, and msn all broke at the same time. We might have to actually get lives.

   "The truth is..." = "Here's a lie I've had some time to work on."

   Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."

   I hate when someone tags me at the donut shop and I am supposed to be running

   I really question the marketing tactics at Whosale Furniture Outlets. I've never heard anyone say "Oooh! A giant inflatable Ape!! I think I want to buy a couch!"

   Learn to spell, Auto Correct isn't always write

   Driving on the highway a guy walking on the side of the road gave me a thumbs up I guess he liked my car.

   You know how sometimes you can just tell when someone's had enough of you for one day, so you back off and leave them alone? Me neither.