life Funny Status Messages

   ..School has started. I got my life back. What evey mother is thinking.

   I'm pretty apathetic, so I'm getting a tattoo that says "Shrug Life"

   I have a real life autocorrect, my wife. :-)

   Bad Inspirational Quote: Life's like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get - like anaphylactic shock for unlisted nuts.

   Some people are only lovable online and should never be met in real life.

   On Facebook friends are like "My life is beautiful! Everything is so fantastic I can hardly contain myself!" But in real life when you ask them how they're doing they're like "okay"

   Precision. Concentration. Patience & Fearlessness. 4 skills I possess whilst shavin my nuts that I wish I could apply to other aspects of my life!

   You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something in your life

   Heard the best pick up line of my life last night: "Excuse me. Are you capable of an intelligent conversation?"

   Fake Love: Her: Good morning love of my life, beat of my heart. Him: God morning sunshine, reason I live. True Love: Her: coffee if you want it. Him: Ehhhh.

   There is always this person on Facebook who thinks he/she can teach you the meaning of life in a two sentence status and you're like'Deep, real deep''.

   Build a man a fire he's warm for a day, set him on fire and he's warm the rest of his life.

   life is like a box of chocolates..and sometimes you get ex lax....

   If people winked as much in real life as they do in text, this world would be a really creepy place.

   Nothing describes my love life more than watching a declawed cat trying to scratch the sofa

   Girl Pro Tip: Save up to 80% on life by being born pretty.

   You guys wanna know why my wife and I have such a great relationship? Its because I don't try to run her life and I don't try to run mine.

   You may have over 300 friends but in true life when you're older you can count the amount of friends you have on one hand.

   When life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.

   Am I the only one who has their life flash before their eyes when they sit on a cold toilet seat