Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   Saw a homeless woman with a sign that said, "Mother of two. Please help." So I gave her some condoms.

   My Mother in law Joined ISIS this morning.. She leaves tomorrow on a suicide mission.. At least that's what the papers I just signed said ..

   Mother: Clean your room, family is coming over. Me: Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize the gathering would be held in my bedroom.

   Oh you got your middle finger up in your profile pic? You mother must be really proud of a job well done raising you.

   thinks that the mother and father bear from Goldilocks and the 3 bears had some relationship issues as evident from the fact that they had separate beds!

   Many of the problems in Rick James's life could have been avoided if he could have taken Superfreak home to mother.

   A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"

   Don't Kanye me!!! or I'll Chris Brown yo a$$... and Tiger Woods your mother!

   Truth of life - Mother`s tears hit your heart and wife`s tears hit your pocket.

   Son, your mother and I need to talk to you. We went through your room earlier and found....NO drugs OR p orn?! What are you some kind of nerd

   Please don't curse and use bad words when you comment on my posts. My mother f*cking family is on Facebook. Thank you.

   For every one text I send my mother, I have to send 4 more texts explaining what it means

   Dear CBS please put How I Met Your Mother to the Sitcom Cemetery

   My mother never understood the irony in calling me a ”son-of-a-b!tch.”

   That was Samuel Jackson's first ever public appearance without saying "mother$ucker"

   Somehow she tracked that fart back to me....and that's how I met your mother.

   There are 3 types of females in this world. There are ladies you introduce to your mother, there are women you introduce to your friends and there are girls you show the door to

   Any Woman that keeps her Kid from they Father is a Dead Beat mother too!!!

   Judge, I'm sorry I attacked that woman but I was wearing cheetah print & she had on a zebra shirt & Mother Nature just took over from there.

   There's only one perfect child in the world; and every mother has it! Happy Mother's Day