life Funny Status Messages

   Dear Life, Please, use a Lubricant.

   Someone came up to me and said get a life...I punched them in the face and said get a helmet.

   Life is too short for regrets, so after mortally wounding your enemies, learn to forgive yourself and move on

   I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.

   Of everything I've ever accomplished in my life, I'm most proud of the fact that I've never seen an episode of Jersey Shore.

   You're not living life right if you don't get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.

   Life was much simpler when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits.

   I wonder if my life would be better if I wrapped it in bacon?

   This single life is great, I just need someone to share it with

   Watching these people in this commercial, rock climb, scuba dive & live life to the fullest, kind of makes me wish I had genital herpes.

   At a wedding reception someone yelled: "All the married men please stand next to the person that made your life worth living…" The bartender was crushed to death…

   I can't decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

   says, "If you want something in life, you have to work hard for it... Now shut up! They're about to announce the winning lottery numbers!"

   Life's too short to wake up in a bad mood- I save mine until I get to work.

   Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.

   No matter what life brings you, always take a lesson from your dog.. Kick some grass over that s**t and move on.

   Dear Graduates: Congratulations on making it through the easiest part of your life!

   "Life is NOT like a box of chocolates, it's more like jar of jalapenos- what you do TODAY can burn your ass TOMORROW!

   The trouble with life is there's no background music

   Do fleas ever wonder if there's life on other dogs?