Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's just another day in down turn economy with a rising unemployment rate....but other than that it's paradise...

   Words. They can arouse. They can make you laugh, and make you cry. But if you find the one who can heal you with words, never let them go.

   I just came across a "R.I.P. Bin Ladin" page, uhh more like R.I.H. for Rot In Hell

   A new tape huh? Man,not only is Osama the Jordan of hide and seek,he's the tupac of terrorism.

   If the rabbit was named "Rabbit", the piglet was named "Piglet", and the owl was named "Owl", why wasn't Christopher Robin named "Dude"?

   $9.99 sounds fair enough coz $10 is an outrageous amount of money.

   if I want to commit suicide , all I would do is jump from your 'EGO' to your ' IQ Level'.

   The criminals on Scooby Doo suck! A bunch of teenage stoners and a DOG just solved your crime. I think you need a new line of work my friend

   Don't you hate it when you get texts from people like "ok" or "ya" and you don't know what to say so you just don't text back.

   Cellphones have made hide and seek meaningless now.

   I am too lazy to walk a mile in your shoes so I will just go ahead and judge you.

   Winter trees at sunset have the look of a lonely old man realizing there will be no visitors today.

   I was blinded by your beauty so I'm going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.

   My advice is to make money the old fashioned way (by intercepting Spanish galleons transporting gold from the New World).

   Some people look at a mousetrap and just see a trap for a mouse. Some of us look and see free cheese and a challenge.

   I think I may be getting too old for a holiday metro vest and skinny jeans....Which most likely explains the weird looks I was getting when I split my pants while shopping at Hot Topic!

   Some people carry a yoga mat, which says a lot about them. I carry a placemat, which says a lot about me.

   There's always a ho or a rumour that ruins every relationship

   Wal-Mart needs to change their slogan to "what has been seen can never be unseen."

   Teacher told us how Tom Sawyer was a free-spirited tale of misbehaving rascals; then screamed at us to sit still & listen.