Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
A jealous girlfriend is a faithful girlfriend. If she doesnt get jealous when someone has your attention, it's because someone has hers. 
That akwward moment when... you're trying to get over someone you never even dated.
I can hear Wiener's pick-up line....."My bologna has a first name....
Girls here's an idea, instead of spending all that money on makeup. Just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Hey Facebook.. If I "UNFRIEND" someone.. Please don't put them in my "People you may know".. Of Course I F*ckin know them! I just choose not to be friends with them!
Porn videos that load slowly should say 'muffering.'
4 out of 5 bubble baths result in Santa Claus beards.
Here's to anyone who has had their heart broken by someone... they have never dated.
This is amazing! Copy and paste this as your status, and within 5 minutes, NOTHING WILL HAPPEN! This really works! I tried it twice and it worked both times. Copy and paste this as your status, more people need to know about this ♥♥♥
I opened our windows to get some fresh air in the house and now the neighbors are wondering why the whole block stinks
When I was little, I used to sing in the shower. Now, I make life decisions in there
Some chick told me to get lost so I bought every season on DVD
Who's hit more balls than Babe Ruth?...... Your chin
Read it slow: LIFEISNOWHERE. What did you read? LIFE IS NO WHERE or LIFE IS NOW HERE? Life is as you read it.
Im surprised kids haven't found a way to trick or treat online yet
Older women are why I don't like younger women.
Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn't going according to plan...
I heard the new NBA 2K13 is so real that when Kobe gets the ball, the pass button just stops working.
Now is the later I avoided earlier.
Women like to hear things like, I love you and you're so pretty, while men like to hear things like, you're not the father or I swallow. 