life Funny Status Messages

   Some of these actors are so good at playing the bad guy role that when I see them in real life, I just want to punch them in the throat.

   There are few guarantees in life but if you see a grown man riding a bmx, he knows where to score some meth

   There are three stages of a man's life: He believes in Santa Claus, he doesn't believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus.

   Facebook and now songpop keep telling me to find friends. It's pretty bad when a computer program is telling you that you have a pathetic life.

   My wife walked out on me after I blew our life savings on a penis extension. She said she just couldn't take it any longer.

   I just bought a television! It's amazing the price difference between a 47 inch T.V. and a 50 inch T.V. is a couple hundred dollars! In real life for an extra 3 inches I would pay thousands!!!

   Life is too short so don't dance with fat girls

   Sunglasses: Allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life.

   Bought one of those tennis racket looking bug zappers today. My god, where have you been all my life. What fun! Oooh, here comes the dog....

   If you ever find yourself wondering if there is someone new in their life, chances are there is.

   That annoying moment when a package says "easy open" and you need scissors, a knife, a gun, and a life saber to open it...

   Anyone remembers walking far away from your house just to see how good is your wireless home phone reception before it goes out?.....Man did those phones have good battery- life

   Listen baby, You're the person I want to spend my life with for the next hour.

   The people who deserve to live the best of life are the exact same ones living the worst of it.

   Life ain't nothing but: female dogs and gardening tools!

   I've just spent the last 5 hours on mine craft accomplishing more than I ever will in real life

   Tomorrow can be just another day or it could be the first day of the rest of your life. Change happens by choice not coincidence.

   so....I just got a Booty Call from Life....apparently it still wants to keep screwing me.... :(

   The women's US gymnastics team is awesome! I have never seen more beautiful floor exercises, high bars or labia majora in my life.

   Life is like a roll of toilet paper....The closer it gets to the end the faster it spins!!!