Daveb1191 Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Bought one of those tennis racket looking bug zappers today. My god, where have you been all my life. What fun! Oooh, here comes the dog....
←Rate | 08-02-2012 14:20 by Daveb1191 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How you can tell if a person is Irish: a fly lands in their pint of beer. They grab the fly and start shaking it over their beer yelling "Spit it out ya bastard, spit it out!"
←Rate | 07-12-2012 10:53 by Daveb1191 Comments (0)  

   messageicon NASA says there is a 1 in 3000 chance debris from their satellite could hit someone. *Please be Casey Anthony, Please be Casey Anthony, Please be Casey Anthony*
←Rate | 09-23-2011 09:54 by Daveb1191 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The three things I like most about Republican Presidential Candidate Rick Perry; Number 1. He has great hair, number 2. he has great teeth, and number 3. he has.... uhhh, he has..... ummmm, he has.... ohhh crap, I forget! Is it the EPA?
←Rate | 11-11-2011 21:30 by Daveb1191 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Instead of labeling OBL with the titles he would want and relish in, such as "Al Qaeda founder", "Terrorist Leader" or "9/11 Mastermind", we should just label him as Hide & Seek Champion 2001-2011. You're next Waldo.
←Rate | 05-02-2011 09:57 by DaveB1191 Comments (0)  

   messageicon She texted me: "Your adorable.". I replied: "No, you're adorable." Now she thinks I like her. All I did was point out her typo!
←Rate | 08-24-2014 16:24 by Daveb1191 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So with all that news last week about the iPhone 4 tracking all kinds of stuff, makes me wonder....did Bin Laden have an iPhone 4?
←Rate | 05-02-2011 09:31 by DaveB1191 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Added to my bucket list today: Figure out what the hell 'Snow' is saying in the song 'Informer'.
←Rate | 04-19-2012 21:46 by DaveB1191 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I would love to see Flo @ Progressive hook up with Mayhem @ Allstate. Their kids would be bright, shiny, bundles of conniving, deceptive, destructive energy!
←Rate | 01-19-2012 23:13 by Daveb1191 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Chocolate lovers are thinner, study says. Obviously they did not contact me.
←Rate | 03-26-2012 19:41 by Daveb1191 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nice hash-tag Dallas Cowboys, but I do agree, ‪#‎CowboySUK‬! errrr....CowboysUK I mean....
←Rate | 11-04-2014 16:14 by Daveb1191 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Abraham Lincoln was a badass vampire hunter too?? Why did I never learn about that in school?
←Rate | 10-14-2012 19:13 by Daveb1191 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ex-teammate says Lance Armstrong used PED's...I think I speak for everyone when I say "You didn't know till now?"
←Rate | 05-19-2011 22:48 by DaveB1191 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I need to turn whatever it is that allows kids to sleep through anything...like a massive clap of thunder right above the house at 230am...into a pill form for adults. I would be so rich...
←Rate | 02-10-2013 15:55 by Daveb1191 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What is the correct punishment for your child when they put the toilet paper roll on for bottom pulling instead of over the top? 1 week grounding? 2 weeks? Need some help here...
←Rate | 05-24-2015 15:18 by Daveb1191 Comments (0)  


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