life Funny Status Messages

   Today is going so slowly my life is flashing before other people's eyes.

   Life just handed me Lemon Pledge, I guess it wants me to dust.

   Here's to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold beer and another one. #Happy St. Pattys Day

   If you’re depressed and hate your life just remember you’re not alone. We all hate your life too.

   Treat your woman like you treat your smartphone: touch her often, stare at her, and make her the most important thing in your life.

   After mating, a female Praying Mantis kills & eats the male. Guess she knows it's easier to claim life insurance rather than child support.

   I have never prayed so hard in my life that the new Pope that walks out onto that balcony is Dennis Rodman.

   After mating, the female praying mantis kills and eats the male. I guess she figured it's easier to get life insurance instead of fighting for child support from him later.

   Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.

   Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long for fat people

   I hate when people pour my cereal. They don't know how much I want! They don't know my life! They don't know what I've been through!!!

   You know your life is disappointing when you wake up and your first thought is, "Crap, still here."

   When I’m about to die and my life flashes before my eyes I’m worried that a lot of it will just be Facebook and TV.

   Enjoy the little things in life, because one day, you’ll look back and realize that they were actually big things.

   Sometimes life seems so Popeless.

   Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!

   I've had pizza boxes stay in my life longer than some women.

   if you go through life with your head in the sand all people will see is an ass!

   In some countries, DEATH is nature’s way of limiting presidential terms in office. You wanted to be a president for life, and now your wish is granted Mr Chavez.

   Life is short. Tell the people you care about that you love the them. But tell them in German because life is also scary and confusing...