life Funny Status Messages

   Before you get married ask yourself: is this the person you want to watch stare at their phone the rest of your life?

   Kept making the same mistakes in life, so I call them traditions now.

   Kind of wish I didn't choose the thug life, everyone's really mean.

   The Three Up's in life: 1. Show 2. Keep 3. Shut

   Remember, Mondays are fine. It's your life that sucks.

   My life coach just asked me to leave because apparently she has "other pedicures to do" and doesn't "speak English"!

   Some days feel like abandon your life and join the French Foreign Legion kind of days.

   There's more to Alcohol than life!!!

   Life is too short to buy a cheap toilet seat. Go ahead, get the good one, your a$$ deserves it.

   In my car, I control the music. If this is a problem for you, just remember this... your life is in my hands. I am the one who is driving. I can kill us.

   My fiance and her mom say more in one phone conversation to each other than my dad and I have in my entire life.

   Before the Facebook, if someone disappeared, it meant you should go looking for them. Now it means they got a life.

   More social media's please.............. I have 20 min of real life to ignore

   Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!

   I love how some people ignore the train wreck that is my life and actually try to ask me for advice with a straight face.

   I once dated an amputee. She single-handedly changed my life

   In this hyper PC country we live in, shouldn't murderers be called "Post-life experience Faciliters"

   my life is like a romantic comedy except there's no romance & its just me laughing at my own jokes.

   The opinion of strangers on the Internet is the most important thing in life.

   It's discouraging when you write out your life plans on a post-it and still have enough room to take a message.