Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 662 of 6446

If I were ever to win the lottery, first thing I'd do is hire someone to clean my kids room...and then buy some chicken wings with the $20 I have left over.
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03-27-2019 22:03 by CoolguyB
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The people who doesn't believe we landed on the moon in 1969 are the same people who wears tin foil hats, thinking almost everything a is a conspiracy orchestrated by someone with nothing to do.
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03-27-2019 18:22
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To the people who have smoke alarms: Where’s your sense of adventure?

Can't believe Gronk didn't wait until 6/9 to retire!
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03-25-2019 09:20 by Kado
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What goes up,must come down. If it hasn't after 4 hours,consult your doctor .
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03-24-2019 08:47
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For a song called " piano man" dude with the harmonica won't shut the hell up
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03-23-2019 20:54 by Mas
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My dog ate all the Scrabble tiles once . For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.
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03-23-2019 10:00
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Here are 5 things you should know about me: 1. I’m very secretive
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03-22-2019 15:53
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Uh oh. My car's GPS asked me, "Who's Siri?"
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03-22-2019 15:51
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Beto is like the guy that gets cut from the High School football team and says now he's going to join the NFL
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03-22-2019 10:06
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My wife asked me "What was the last movie you watched that made you cry?" "Our wedding video." was not the right answer.
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03-22-2019 09:24
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Life lesson 249: A short temper is not a sign of strength.
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03-21-2019 12:06
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Just so everybody's clear, I'm going to put my glasses on.
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03-20-2019 11:25
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What's the dumbest thing you ever believed as a child? That people above 18 years of age are automatically adults.

I put my fitbit on the refrigerator handle. Amazing, my daily activity has increased 10 fold....that's the ticket....
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03-19-2019 23:16
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My noise reduction feature on my new hearing aid dosen't work..... I can still hear my wife yapping.
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03-19-2019 20:46 by Joker
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Cop: Sir,do I have your permission to search your vehicle ? Me: If I say no,will you bring the K-9 unit out ? Cop: Yes ! Me: Can I pet the dog ?
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03-19-2019 20:00
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I'm holding a Twitter conspiracy meeting tonight. Don't tell Devin.
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03-19-2019 15:09
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I need a tax person who’s not afraid of prison.
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03-19-2019 15:01
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Mmmmmm, I want some hamberders.
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03-19-2019 12:16
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