Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   How to eat an Oreo: First you twist it...... Oh it broke...

   yesterdays is history, tomorrow is a mystery. Today is your gift, live it fully....

   the one who told him that you had a boyfriend who looks like a girlfriend that he had in February of last year.

   Dont wish For a Happy ending It means Something has to end

   Good morning I see the assasins failed

   Sometimes life is hell. But hey! Whatever gets the marshmallows toasty.

   trying to put my m&m's in alphabetical order...

   saw his shadow today! Not really sure what this could mean as far as the duration of winter goes...but very excited about the possibilities. :)

   actually an antidepressant... X must be taken every night before bedtime... But X may cause lightheadeness, a sense of euphoria, and an incontrollable urge to repeat the word yes... X is not for everyone... Ask your doctor if X is right for you...

   i do what I please and I please who I do.

   Religious girls are easy, once I convince them I'm god

   If I ever have a girlfriend that requests that we have a 'song' together, after I laugh, I shall suggest master p - you can be my b!tch

   can you get pregnant from unprotected text?

   Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.

   I don't know why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentines Day. When I think of romance,the last thing I think of is a short,chubby child coming at me with a weapon.

   not sexist; being sexist is wrong and being wrong is for women.

   (̅_̅_̅(̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅(̅_̅_̲̅м̲̅a̲̅я̲̅l̲̅b̲̅o̲̅r̲̅o̲̅̅ _̅_̅_̅() ڪے one of my weaknesses.

   You may attract more flies with honey. But you also attract bears. And those things can rip you to shreds!

   Liquor? I dont even like her.....

   s on a Facebook Dating Application!!.. And You Wouldn't Believe All these Celebrity Looks-A-like's that want to Hook up with me!! I'm Gonna be Dating a girl that looks like Miley Cyrus Suckahs!!"