Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6199 of 6446

I am not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it. I don't know when I lost it. I don't think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job and I don't want it
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02-19-2010 03:43
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If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten
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02-19-2010 03:42
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ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet
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02-19-2010 03:41
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got an idea--an idea so smart that my head would explode if I even began to know what I'm talking about
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02-19-2010 03:38
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..is in negotations with Vancouver. They're desperate for snow and she's sick of it.

People think I'm God... anywhere I go, they say "Oh God! You've come again..."
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02-19-2010 02:11 by ak
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loves the smell of Friday in the morning, it smells like... WEEKEND.
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02-18-2010 23:19
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loves to watch Men's iceskating - once every four years.
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02-18-2010 22:30 by marymc
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wonders how you are going to feel when Facebook starts charging a usage fee. It's just a matter of time. Greedy corporate clones...
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02-18-2010 21:35
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the wine, or any other reason.”

they say eating fish makes you smarter, but the only ones you eat are the ones dumb enough to get caught
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02-18-2010 20:55 by @bigger23
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I used to see this girl across the road from me. She would get naked for me each morning it was great. But now she closes her curtains.
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02-18-2010 18:49 by Y.P
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giving up shame for lent this year. Should make for a great week
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02-18-2010 18:39
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™ is a registered trademark. All unauthorized reproduction and distribution will lead to prosecution.
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02-18-2010 18:20 by bigedusw
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not practicing Catholic so she's not giving anything up for Lent, but for those of you giving up alcohol, she's set up a collection bin outside her door>
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02-18-2010 16:36
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Hav finally finished my 40,000 piece Jigsaw, it reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "
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02-18-2010 16:31 by Y.P
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So, ummm, Rihanna? Could you please give me a little variety in your music? I swear, woman -- ALL of your songs have the same beat and consists of you repeating multiple words multiple times. Work on that.
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02-18-2010 16:23 by Jac
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Maybe T-Mobile and Sprint should fight it out on which is the better carrier. It help boost their sales. Its working with AT&T and Verizon.
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02-18-2010 15:30 by Danmanz
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Tomorrow Tiger should say "I blame this sh*t on NIKE, they said just do it"
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02-18-2010 15:25 by chadwick
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Everyone's days are numbered. It's called a calendar.