life Funny Status Messages

   Think of a number between 1 and 10. Add your area code. Subtract your age. Add some common sense. What are you even doing with your life?

   If life gives you melons... get a good sports bra.

   Every day that I don't die is the best day of my life.

   Netflix gives you 15 seconds between episodes to decide whether or not you're doing anything with your life today.

   Okay, 45-year-old divorced women on Facebook who are "LUV'N' LIFE!" Calm down. We get it.

   A man is a man all of his life, but a woman's just horny until she's your wife.

   If there's one thing I've learnt in life it's to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.

   G.I.R.L on the Internet is 'Guy In Real Life.'

   They say you will eat approximately 23 spiders in your life,,, but really you can eat as many as you want.. Treat yourself, you deserve it.

   Listening to Ke$ha yodel over a country techno beat while Pitbull barks in Spanish has been the most confusing experience of my adult life

   I'm high on life! And pot. Well...mostly pot. But I love life! Probably because of pot.

   Life's too short to go to bed early

   Any man who says his wedding day is the happiest day of his life has obviously never scored an over-head kick on FIFA.

   Rob ford is the real life Mayor Quimby.

   Crime doesn't pay folks ...Oh! wait Whitey Bulger lives like Scarface his young life & Now he gets to stay in a nursing home completely free? Prison ...nursing home..>> same thing !

   If life taught me anything, it's that Mikey will eat anything...

   That one password you use for everything and if anyone ever figured it out they could single-handedly ruin your entire life.

   Evaluate the people in your life; Then promote, demote or terminate! You're the CEO of your life....

   Some of the happiest years of a woman's life are when she's 29.

   The best drinks in life are free.