Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Apple just introduced the IdoucheBag, to carry your Ipod, Ipad, and Ipone.

   Likes her coffee catffinated

   Whoever started the tradition to wear bright hideous Hawaiian shirts on "casual fridays" needs to be punch in the throat.

   finds it ironic how people 'like' pages that start with "I hate..."

   How many crap loads are there in a sh*t ton again? cuz that's exactly how Cleveland feels like right now...

   FACEBOOK ALERT: Lebron James is now in a relationship with Lebron James.

   I just LeBron Jamesed my pants. Is that a thing yet?

   BREAKING NEWS: Miami Heat joins LeBron James.

   changing the name of MTV to Empty V. Thanks to shows like the Hills, this channel officially sucks balls now

   ya ever notcie that the most comfortable one can be in bed is always one minute before you have to get up?

   if you're tired of waiting...just count 1 to 100...if it's still not there, count 1 to 200... if it's still not there, just count 1 to 10... if still nothing happens, then accept the fact that it's not meant for you..

   It is easier to get forgiveness than permission

   Anyone who starts a sentence "With all due respect..." is about to insult you..

   If only those tight shirts with the bedazzled wings on the back that some guys wear would allow them to fly far, far away, the world just might be a better place.

   You know...Barbie has an awful lot of nice things for a girl whose knees do not bend.

   If only those tight shirts with the bedazzled wings on the back that some guys wear would allow them to fly far, far away, the world just might be a better place.

   I appreciate that Motel 6 will leave the light on for me, because otherwise, I'm certain I would be murdered in their parking lot.

   wondering what if the RIP letters will be replaced to BRB?

   my ex-boyfriend thinks I miss him, but I don't miss him, I miss his d!@k... Unfortunately, there's no way to separate the two... not legally anyway!

   Carefull..the owner of this account that you're about to view is too hot...