Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You wouldn't believe how much time it's taken for me to send this Facebook Status update from a payphone.

   Brett Favre retired today from the Minnesota Vikings of the National Football League... In other news, the Sun rose in the east this morning...

   I'm thinking about making my own brand of beer and call it, "Responsibly." That way I would get free advertising from all my competitors. "Please drink Responsibly."

   thinks it's wrong when you go to a strip club and the sign says "Tonight only, all you can eat crab"

   Brett Favre retired today, I'm not Worried about it too much. It's kinda like when Snoop Dog quit's weed. It really means nothing."

   Brett Favre to retire today...IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME!!!

   A man was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing and he answered - waiting for autumn.

   thinks the study that came out yesterday saying the more educated you are and the more money you make the more likely you are to drink is wrong.. I think the more you drink, the more likely you are to think you are rich and smart!

   that behind every player there is always someone who put them in the game..(~o,^)..

   just watched the A-team. It was really good. I like the part when stuff blew up.

   Heres a question. If you and your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife switched phones and facebook profile for 24 hrs would you still have a relationship!!!!!

   It goes in dry, it comes out wet. The longer it stays in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and it starts to sag - It's not what you think... it's a Tetley's Tea Bag!!

   The future of American women is being led by role models like Snooki, Lindsay Lohan, Nicki Minaj... you're totally screwed.

   Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't..

   My friend was telling me about his job and he said there were a lot of Hoes there. I got excited so I went to work with him one day. Turns out he's a landscaper. I hate Homonyms.

   Love Walmart where everyone can Enter through the EXIT door and exit through an ENTER door!! What are we all on DRUGS??

   Walmart where everyone can Enter through the EXIT door and exiting through an ENTER door!!

   getting high and watching sharks...

   i mean cmon.... what girl doesnt grab their friends boobs when they are drunk?

   Where do you find a turtle with no legs? Right where you left it