Funny Status Messages

   Is it bad that when I saw the name "Ke$ha" I automatically thought she was Black?

   My advice to strippers: Dont stop, get it, get it. Get that payment for your Civic.

   I think it was Confucius who said "I'm like a dog in heat, a freak without warning. I have an appetite for sex 'cause me so horny."

   I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.

   Don't judge a book by it's cover, but do judge a person by their Facebook status.

   Congrats, you're pregnant! But do you really need to take ALL those pictures of yourself showing your belly? I can't take 9 months of this!!

   Fighting cavaties. :)

   playing punch buggy with your mother

   A bum jus asked me "can you spare ne change", I said it @ the same time he did & called 'Jinx'. Now he cant ask 4 change until I say his name

   You know life sucks when you have to start wearing "corrective" underwear.

   If Glenn Beck runs for President, I want to see a birth certificate proving he was born on this planet.

   After Palin's speech today, we need a rally for Restoring Grammar.

   A Guy gives a girl 12 roses, 11 real, 1 fake, and tells her "I will love you until the last rose dies<3

   inbox(1).... awesome feeling

   Justin Bieber: What song should I cover? Random Girl: If I were a boy.

   just checked in @ none of your god damn business

   Lock up Paris Hilton in guantanamo bay. or would that be cruel and unsual punishment for the prisoners?

   itunes wants more updates on a daily bases than a woman wants attention

   Martin Luther King - I too had a dream. A great white shark came up through my floor boards to eat me and had train track braces on its teeth. Beat that Martin!

   People are more opposed to fur than leather because it's easier to harass old ladies and supermodels than argue with motorcycle gangs.