santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Got my favorite Christmas movie, A Christmas Story, from my in-laws for my birthday. I was shocked that the DVD version is abbreviated to 90 minutes. I always thought it was 24 hours.

   Got a copy of The Christmas Story today...I was surprised they edited the DVD down to 96 minutes...I always enjoyed the 24 hour version of the movie

   December is the month when the kids begin to discuss what to get Dad for Christmas. Some insist on a shirt; others a pair of socks, and the argument always ends in a tie.

   Santa I was not naughty, I was merely thinking outside the box!!

   Wow! Only seven more shopping days until it's Christmas! I wish that I could afford to buy each and every one of you a very expensive, extravagant gift! I wouldn't, but do I just wish I could afford to, if I wanted.

   To get back at the boss for no Christmas bonus, my goal is to rub my balls on everything in his office by New Years. Luckily I started in June.

   Christmas shopping for your parents isnt easy. I mean, what DO you buy someone who has the perfect gift. Like me, for example

   Keeping the list of naughty girls all to yourself? Well played Santa.

   The EPA has placed sanctions on Santa for using such fossil fuels as coal and switches... The EPA has instead, mandated Santa use wind and solar.....In accordance to EPA regulation bad kids will now receive a hydrogen filled balloon and a match.

   The Anti-Christ came to my Christmas party and turned all the wine into water. Hate that guy.

   Won a $50 gift card to Chili's at Christmas raffle. In other news, decided my secret santa is getting a $14.37 gift card to Chili's for Christmas.

   I Remember one christmas when I woke up to see my mom helping santa with his zipper.. jolly old santa.

   On the 5th day of Christmas? Christmas is ONE day. Convert to Judaism if you need a longer holiday.

   I am well-armed for the war on Christmas: Ground-to-air mistletoe, check. Pecan clusterbombs, check. Canister of peppermint spray, check.

   wishes Santa would stop allowing bullying at the North Pole. Stop allowing the laughing at others and name calling.

   My office Christmas party is tonight, which means my office apology party will be tomorrow.

   Just heard there is an Occupy North Pole protest going on. Apparently Santa did not share his wealth with the naughty group.

   Dreaming of a White Christmas? You r@cist b@stards.

   Merry Christmas to the Bathroom models around the world.

   I love the holidays. A time when people are supposed to be more nice and caring, actually become bigger a$$holes than they are the rest of the year.