Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon ...so the stumbling Cowboys play the bumbling Vikings on Sunday. Uh oh. Somebody gonna be 1-4.
←Rate | 10-15-2010 18:43 by mickeybruce Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I aimed to please, I wouldn't piss on the seat.
←Rate | 10-15-2010 18:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon needs advice and help, but not from you.
←Rate | 10-15-2010 17:56 by Mduduzi Comments (0)  


   messageicon she should win a prize for making it through the whole week without stabbing someone with a fork!
←Rate | 10-15-2010 17:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I cannot be held responsible for anything you may have told me before I had my coffee.
←Rate | 10-15-2010 17:33 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your wife is more of a "certificate of completion" than a "trophy"
←Rate | 10-15-2010 17:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon How do I always end up stalking people on Facebook that I don't even know...
←Rate | 10-15-2010 17:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon On one issue, at least, men and women agree: They both distrust women.
←Rate | 10-15-2010 17:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon All I needed was the kit but they made me buy the whole kaboodle.
←Rate | 10-15-2010 17:23 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon a little piece of me dies everyday... in a tubesock shoved to the bottom of my laundry hamper... thanks mom
←Rate | 10-15-2010 17:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I believe every single word you say. It's when you put them together to form a sentence that I think it's bullsh!t.
←Rate | 10-15-2010 17:21 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a mess. Not in the "beautiful mess" way. In the "you dropped an omelette all over the floor then stepped in it" way.
←Rate | 10-15-2010 17:19 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are three things that are scary to watch the morning after partyn hard! : own face, purse and list of outgoing calls :)
←Rate | 10-15-2010 17:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Honesty is the best policy. But just try getting an Honesty Policy from your insurance broker.
←Rate | 10-15-2010 17:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to think of myself as "Emotionally Exciting" as opposed to bipolar.
←Rate | 10-15-2010 17:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.
←Rate | 10-15-2010 16:54 by ANGELA Comments (0)  


   messageicon got his girlfriend pregnant .gotcha b!tch :)
←Rate | 10-15-2010 16:47 by A is for me Comments (0)  


   messageicon hates walking into nasty smelling bathrooms knowing after you leave the next guy in line always thinks you did it... as you fight the urge to notify him it was like that when you got there
←Rate | 10-15-2010 16:46 by BergStyle87 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can use most any measure when you're speaking of success. You can measure it in fancy home, expensive car or dress. But the measure of your real success is one you can not spend. Its the way your kids describe you when they're talking to a friend.
←Rate | 10-15-2010 16:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks that it's people that give drinking a bad name.
←Rate | 10-15-2010 16:06 by Brades Comments (0)  




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