Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5355 of 6374
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getting so cold in school that some black guys are actually begining to pull their pants up. Wow!!
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12-08-2010 12:32
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In a meeting: "Let me reiterate what was just said" can be translated to "I have nothing productive to add but I like the sound of my own voice and think I'm important so I think I need to waste 5 more minutes of all your days"
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12-08-2010 11:27 by Stragen
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Dear Santa, Last year I asked for and received your list of naughty girls, It was fun but I think I am past that point in my life. This year I would like to receive your list of good girls with naughty tendencies!
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12-08-2010 11:05 by Biggie
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The hot nurse wants to take a blood sample. If I can get some back into my veins, I'll oblige her.
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Seriously, I put seriously at the beginning of the sentence to make me sound more serious even when I'm not.
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12-08-2010 10:41 by AJ
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To all females that got a message from me that said "Hell yes....When & where?" I'm sorry,that was before I knew about this numbers game.In my defense,what was I supposed 2 think when you sent me a message that just said "69"? I thought you were asking me
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12-08-2010 10:38 by Q
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Send me your credit card # and brand to my inbox and I'll post what I bought myself with your money.
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12-08-2010 10:08
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....Wants to share his yuletide log with his "special" friends.....
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12-08-2010 09:57
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Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the sky and he will believe you, tell him this bench is wet and he will have to touch it to make sure...
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12-08-2010 09:31
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One of the hardest choices I have had to make in my adult life, give my change to the bell ringer outside of Wal-Mart or spend it in the toy vending machine in hopes that I get the cool watch I was wanting.
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12-08-2010 08:46
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- in memory of Joh Lennon who died 30 years ago today. Did you know the only vegetable he ate was brocolli? I'm happy he finally decided to give peas a chance...
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12-08-2010 08:14 by Jay
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wants to point out that real men don't sparkle unless he just got back from the titty bar.
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12-08-2010 01:44 by ff1241
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There's no room for demons when your self possessed.
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awkward moment: browsing Facebook friend suggestions and seeing people you used to be friends with who have unfriended you... Hey, you asked me!!!
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12-07-2010 23:48
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Penny for your thoughts... a dollar if you flash me.
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12-07-2010 22:44 by Dy7lan
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At my house, it is customary for you to go back to yours as soon as possible.
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'Im not questioning your observation skills but am merely remarking on the paradox of asking a masked man who he is...'
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12-07-2010 21:58
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I know you people can't think everyone that messages you is a bouquet of roses. C'mon...tell people what you REALLY think of them. THAT would be more interesting to read!
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12-07-2010 21:53 by JRF
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I'm not a doctor, I just play one on the internet
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12-07-2010 21:52 by Miss Tesa
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snooze button, becuase all I need after 8 hours of sleep, is a nap
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12-07-2010 21:36
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