Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5280 of 6446

OK I get the "Deaf Child Area" sign .. but how the heII am l suupposed to know which kid it is?
←Rate |
02-02-2011 14:47 by Zoltar
Comments (0)

Dear Egyptians, please chill the f**k out while we consult our groundhog for advice.
←Rate |
02-02-2011 14:21 by Aaron
Comments (0)

in a relationship with Facebook and It's Complicated...

My next door neighbour's battery went in his Smart car today. I had to give him a jump start from my iPod.

Internet Explorer - the best browser in the world for downloading Firefox.

After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it's true calling: helping people wink online. ;-)

Do they sell Alphabet Soup in China?
←Rate |
02-02-2011 13:43 by Jeff W
Comments (0)

Oprah's show on Veganism just inspired me to eat a Cheeseburger.
←Rate |
02-02-2011 13:40 by Jeff W
Comments (0)

When people say they have a bad headache, that implies they have had good headaches. In that case, its not an ache at all is it?
←Rate |
02-02-2011 13:23
Comments (0)

A horse told me not to drive home the other night... I don't think the cop on top of it was amused when I told said "Mind your own business Mr. Ed"....
←Rate |
02-02-2011 13:21
Comments (0)

Whoever coined the term "Poor little old lady" has obviously never shouted out.... B I N G O!!
←Rate |
02-02-2011 13:21 by MOMMALUV
Comments (0)

I went to Web MD to look up my symptoms and found out I died in my sleep. Thanks a lot Web MD!
←Rate |
02-02-2011 13:19 by Ronnie V.
Comments (1)

could really use a great snowjob right now.
←Rate |
02-02-2011 13:06
Comments (0)

By forecasting freezing rain, the weatherman told us to have an ice day.
←Rate |
02-02-2011 12:37
Comments (0)

I drank a spike energy drink, let's just say i'm freaking out now, my palms are sweaty, my d**k shrunk, and my mind is like an interstate
←Rate |
02-02-2011 12:07
Comments (0)

The ladies call me Mr. Plow and I don't even have a plow.
←Rate |
02-02-2011 11:34
Comments (0)

I give travel info in the amount of time it takes me to get there, not in miles.
←Rate |
02-02-2011 11:23
Comments (0)

Just heard a really fat woman say she was starving and she couldn't wait for lunch. Um, no you're not and yes you can.
←Rate |
02-02-2011 11:19
Comments (0)

thinks snowfall should be measured in school and business cancelations.
←Rate |
02-02-2011 11:17
Comments (0)

thinking that now the Government of Egypt has banned all internet traffic, do we just call it Gypt?
←Rate |
02-02-2011 10:48 by markf
Comments (0)