Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5277 of 6446

reminded my buddy to let his faucet drip...forgot he had gonorrhea...another awkward moment brought to you by STD's...
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02-03-2011 10:52 by M.A.C.
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Thank you music, for being there when no one else was.

Thanks everyone for posting photos of the fresh snow. No, really I haven't seen nearly enough in person even though I was shoveling at 5am this morning.
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02-03-2011 10:25
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Just remember... If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off!
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02-03-2011 10:09 by Michael
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Faucets should really have a drip setting instead of making me take 20 minutes to try to get the handle just right in order to keep my pipes from freezing.
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02-03-2011 09:59 by drippy
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mans evolution is from monkey to a man. But governments evolution is from man to a monkey. Both sad and funny

How do you put an end to the circus?.........Go for the juggler!
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02-03-2011 09:52
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I hope all that racket in Egypt doesn't wake Imhotep again. I don't think I could take another lame Mummy movie.
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02-03-2011 09:14
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going to be wearing an armor plated vest just in case Cupid gets any ideas.
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02-03-2011 09:10
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So if gasoline is based on supply and demand and a third of the Nation has been crippled by this winter storm, doesn't it only make sense that gas goes down in price for at least a few days?

In Punxsutawney for breakfast trying to figure out what the mystery meat next to the pancakes is?
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02-03-2011 08:16
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Maybe if tmobile spent less time on attack commercials, and more time creating phones, and providing a good signal their company would suck a little less. iPhone is still the best!
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02-03-2011 05:54 by Dopey420
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Everybody in Chicago is moaning about the snow. Um it is winter and it is Chicago, what dou you expect? Sunshine and lollipops?
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02-03-2011 05:46 by Dopey420
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My Valentines Date was arrested for biting her self and pushing her self down a flight of stairs... :( I need a replacement. :\

Man I wanna throw a book at someone face and be like "I Facebooked you!" Lol
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02-03-2011 05:12 by seddy90
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That awkward moment when someone sits in your seat
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02-03-2011 05:10 by seddy90
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That mini-heart attack when you miss one step at the stairs.
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02-03-2011 03:56 by seddy90
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why is it that when you bump heads only 1 of you feel the pain
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02-03-2011 03:07
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should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
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02-03-2011 03:05
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At the risk of being unfollowed, I expelled enough gas at Starbucks today to fill a Trenta.
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02-03-2011 02:10
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