Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Hardee's is shutting down its 32 franchises in Egypt. There's Hardee's in Egypt? No wonder they don't like us.

   if you don't care about my past, then why do you keep asking about it?

   What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

   ♫ Jesus freaks, out in the streets, handing tickets out for God...♫

   i dont care how much ice cream you have your not gonna put that banana there.

   I get distracted by all the meats in the deli section, must be my short attention spam.

   I just heard the local priest singing a bit of "Nuns N' Moses".... "Take me down to the Vatican City where the mass is keen and the boys are pretty."

   In Store Special - "You're My One and Only" Valentine's Day cards... 4 for $5...

   Hi, my name is Kim, and I am an LOL addict. I have finally hit rock bottom and am ready for treatment. LOL

   The hardest question of the weekend...can or bottle?

   If people winked in real life as much as they wink in texts, the world would be an extremely creepy place. ;)

   I hate it when my inner child talks back to the voices in my head.

   This is ridiculous - I have so much work to do this morning that I can barely get on Facebook. My boss is so rude.

   I always thought that holding on was the strongest thing a person could do, now I see that it's letting go that takes an enormous amount of courage & strength

   Cinematic Superbowl commercial trailers. Really America?

   Facebook prank #23: Go in everynight and change your birthday to the next day...then see how long it takes for people to catch on...

   Why do I have to bother pushing "one" for English? I'm still going to get someone who can't speak it.

   When a woman says "fine" what she really means is "I'm going to say things are fine but they really aren't and I will later throw it back in your face."

   If you're going to play games with me, they are going to be by my rules!

   Yes! schools are closing b/c of bad weather damn I forgot I have online Class???