santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I think I've had enough of the Christmas Spirit. The room is starting to spin...

   I got a Shake Weight for Christmas. I'm going to try strapping it to my pen!s.

   I wonder what would happen if I burn the tip of this branch on my Christmas tree? WHOOOOFFF

   I just want a Christmas like we used to have with all of us together pretending we're enjoying it.

   Christmas - when loved ones visit to celebrate someone born in a barn but complain that your sofabed's uncomfortable.

   Merry Christmas! Or as my grandma always says, "there are whispers coming from the poinsettia again."

   For Christmas I gave myself an obscene amount of vodka. I'm so thoughtful.

   the only reason I enjoy Christmas is because it is the one time of the year that my habit of sitting in front of a dead tree, eating chocolates out of my socks, whilst waiting for a strange fat man to enter my house, is considered a normal event!

   "stepping on a frog"just isnt that funny at Christmas dinner at the in-laws.

   I hope everybody enjoys the new air guitar I sent them for Christmas.

   I found a sealed turkey sandwich, ranch dressing and gatorade in my car. Santa must of mixed my car up with my stocking.

   if you negate those who celebrate for the presents, or for the excuse to drink, or for the day off work, or for the reason to party, or for a morning in bed, the amount of people who truly celebrate Xmas is lower than the nos of actors in a 1 man show!

   I may not always celebrate holidays, but when I do, I prefer Christmas. Stay cheerful, my friend!!

   When first talking to your kids about Santa, don't say he's God's drunk brother in law. Trust me...

   Excellent! My prediction of the millions of "Merry Christmas" status updates is coming along perfectly. Now all I need is a million "Happy New Years" status updates and my goals of knowing the obvious will be complete.

   If all my Christmas presents were wrapped in bubble wrap... it's be like two gifts in one!!

   i hope santa brings me my post apocalyptic survival kit tomorrow! aka: a 12 pack

   This just in... Casey Anthony just got ran over by a reindeer, walking home from the stripclub Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas everyone!

   Merry Christmas (I'm not showing off but I bet I get that trending all day today)

   You say toilet, I say Christmas beer vomit receptacle.