Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Who can really hear themselves thinking?

   What others perceive,what others think,what does that has to do with you? World's a game,why you should be playing by their rules

   realized that alcohol is not the answer,it just makes you forget the question

   condoms please; --need a bag?; --no need, this time she's not that ugly

   Chivalry is dead. And women killed it.

   has beat anorexia, thanks everyone for your support, now pass the bacon buffet

   They say, "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get". Maybe its just me but........wont you get........chocolate??

   to do list- 1) shoot video confession. 2) sign over house and children to the bank. 3) make fritters for Parole Officer.

   I like to go into diners and quietly start conversations with strangers about eggs and the apocalypse.

   Was once told by a farmer that thongs are like barb-wire fence. It protects the property without blocking a great view.

   The Count from Sesame Street had OCD, right?

   I got a funny cigarette and a $2 bottle of wine and a beautiful blonde with me tonight!! Life can't get no sweeter!!

   Hopes that the Gay community is enjoying all the free media attention...with the flooding in Manitoba I haven't heard the word "Dykes" used so much since last years Gay Pride week .

   I molested myself last night, I said no, but I knew I wanted it

   Rosa Parks never called SHOTGUN!!

   hoping to be part of a wordless briefcase exchange someday.

   Whenever I need a moment to myself, I just go on MySpace.

   Life doesn't change. Only the people in it.

   Whenever I hear a woman say, "I dont need a man" ...all I hear is, "I cant get a man"

   Friends are like underwear.... Some crawl up your butt... Some snap under pressure... Some don't have the strength to hold you up... Some get a little twisted... Some are your favorite.Some are cheap & just plain nasty.And some actually do cover your butt