Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   i wish I saved all the tears I cried for you so I could drown you in them

   The jockey on the winning horse in the Preakness was Jesus. Coincidence? I think not

   hmm still alive... either Sam and Dean stopped it, "Macho Man" called it off, or god is waiting on his crops in farmville...

   Sam and Dean stopped the rapture!

   Harold Camping is selling his "Magic 8-ball", anybody interested?

   so over hearing about the religious quacks and Arnold. You are all giving me a tumah!

   Oh, thank god! My barbecue will not be postponed.

   I am either going to hell or the rapture was a hoax!!

   Holy Crap!! I was sitting there wondering why no one was posting and thought I was the only one left... Its All Good.. I accidently logged into my MySpace account.. That was a close one!

   OMG.... at 3pm, 6pm in the east I felt this horrible shaking and noise and thought, OH NO AHHHH..IT'S TIME...WTH!!!. Then I realized it was the washing machine out of balance.

   has been sitting outside with a cooler all day and has not seen one Veloc-raptor....

   it is 6:01 and I am still here... or am I??? Rapture Schmapture!

   installing SKYNET.... ████████████░░░░░░░░░ 49% DONE. Errors found....decompressing...... Installation failed. Please try again in 2012. *doh*

   You must be this -^- tall to ride the Rapture!

   I firmly believe that horse races are the rich man's NASCAR

   May 21, 2011 6:00pm?? Wait...where in the Bible does it mention clocks?

   Why are all the apocalypse on eastern standard time?

   my moneys on the Mucho Macho Man in the Preakness cause the real Macho Man Randy Savage will be snappin in to a slim jim from above~ OOH YEAH!!

   wondering which of the following are most likely to happen? 1: The Rapture. 2: Pigs flying in perfect formation. 3: Politicians being completely honest.

   Ah facebook, bringing the drama of the outside world straight to your home computer.