Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4790 of 6446

The coffee maker is moving so slow, it's upsetting the space-time continuum.
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07-06-2011 11:23
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A cop tried to pull me over for not having a rear-view mirror, but I didn't see him.
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07-06-2011 10:35
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How can you look at some of the people you see in Wal-Mart and still believe in Intelligent Design?
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07-06-2011 10:33
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the next thing Casey Anthony googles better be "Self Defense"
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07-06-2011 10:26
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The jury was carefully selected based on their beliefs. Primarily, the ir belief that the Sun circles the Earth, and the preferred method of courtship is to bonk a woman over the head with a club then drag her into a cave.
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07-06-2011 09:29 by Mick
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What if they read a list of everything youve ever typed into Google before entering Heaven..
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07-06-2011 07:43
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Why even ask how my weekend was if youre just going to interrupt me halfway through to say Yeah, I saw your Facebook post.
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07-06-2011 07:40
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Heres your social security card. Its paper & has to last you forever. Dont laminate it. Good luck! -The Government
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07-06-2011 07:36
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I had a bad feeling Casey was getting off the hook when I saw the envelope the verdict was in had been sealed by duct tape.
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07-06-2011 07:36
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My neighbor knocked on my door at three in the morning! Can you believe that? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.
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07-06-2011 07:14
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One day... Facebook, Youtube, Myspace and Friendster will come together as one. It will be called, FookYouMyFriend.
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07-06-2011 07:12
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Excuse me Casey Anthony but Kanye West says OJ had the best murder trial of all time!!!
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07-06-2011 07:11 by Asassyn
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If diamonds are a girls best friend and a dog is mans best friend, who really is the dumber sex?
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07-06-2011 06:59
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I have to take my paycheck to the bank. Its too little to go by itself.
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07-06-2011 06:56
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Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking
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07-06-2011 06:52
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I tried to hang myself with a bungee chord. I kept almost dying
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07-06-2011 06:48
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Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
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07-06-2011 06:46
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Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
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07-06-2011 06:45
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All I know is- If you let a month go by without reporting your missing child, then you are guilty of something.
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07-06-2011 06:29
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The sad part about this whole Casey Anthony ordeal is that she will probably have her own TV show.. and write a book that half of the americans will buy... its sad.
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07-06-2011 06:28 by BAD GUY
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