Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You can't judge a book by its cover. I read that on a book cover. It's like a life lesson if you really think about it.

   Stories that have been ripped from the headlines are the best. Except the ones ripped by bears. They're really hard to read.

   Lazy Rule Nos 7, 8 & 9: Errr, oh Just use Rule No.1 !!!

   I always try to watch what I eat...that way I don't bite my finger.

   Amy Winehouse started writing songs for a new album this weekend - she only got through a few lines.

   The higher you put your hopes, the more it hurts when they fall.

   I'm done looking for love, When it's ready...it can come find me.

   why is it that whenever I make a peanut butter sandwich, the whole house starts smelling like peanut butter?

   ‎"Its Good Mood Food" <------ The whole marketing department at Arbys should be fired!

   Gotta love a good GPS. No matter how many wrong turns you make, that little pocket sized symbol of hope just sits there, smiles at you and says "No worries buddy, I'll still get you there"

   Better to go in one ear and out the other than in one ear and out the mouth.

   Beware of people who tell you to "get a life". They may want the one you already have.

   I found out today that you could group your friends on Facebook and name the group whatever you want, however I didn't know it would send the people notificati​ons saying that I added them to the, "People I've f*****.." group, sorry..

   If you spend the rest of your life trying to make up for past mistakes, there won't be any time to make any new ones.

   I live on the corner of Funny Street and Silly Road,in Crazy Town which is in Physco Valley,in a twisted state of mind!

   There's no law against sticking to your guns, but make sure you've loaded your brain before you start firing off your mouth.

   I think we need to send our prayers out to the real victim of Amy Winehouse death..... her dealer , that dude just lost a lot of business

   OUCH!!! I just got bit by a Horse Fly with an over bite!!

   Columbus was 48 yrs old when he discovered​ America.. I waz 13 yrs old when I discovered​ `Naughty America'

   Jeez it's hot again...Today I've opted to wear my Dyson Air Multiplier around my neck!