Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   typed "X-men" into a google image search and didn't quite get the result I wanted.... Who the heck is this Wolvarine guy anyway?

   Dear birds who so graciously woke me before my alarm clock did.... F-CK YOU!!

   I heard sex at age 90.....is like trying to shoot pool with a rope

   yes I am embarrassed of certain things I did in my past.....you reminding me wont really hurt me any more then it already did, pain is gone only scars left and those dont hurt just reminder , I DON'T NEED YOU TO REMIND ME

   My idea of artificial intelligence is where the Porn tab changes into the Google tab the moment someone knocks on the door

   ■“'OMG ARE YOU OK?” ‘Oh yeah I'm fine, I Just like bleeding for fun.'

   To avoid condom related accident, use 2 condoms with chili powder in btwn them, if outer breaks she'll know & if inner one breaks U'll know!

   I don't smoke pot. But hang with people who do. They have great snack ideas, and if you're broke, it is a good group to hang out with for a free meal. If all they're stoned, just start talking about pizza, or fried chicken. Snack time!

   People wearing neckbraces should wear a t-shirt explaining why.

   A concussion? A broken hand? There has to be a PETA member somewhere with a Mike Vick voodoo doll

   Learn to spell, Auto Correct isn't always write

   never regret anything because at one point it was exactly what you wanted

   R.I.P Nobel Laureate Prof. Wangari Maathai....

   Just watched 'Pan Am" ….. Now there's an example where the union seniority killed the industry, all those lovely stewardesses are now old flight attendants

   Looking at a hot woman and thinking, ‘The things I would do to you.'

   The rap song "Walk It Out" was inspired by a guy who was consoling his girlfriend after a hardcore night of rough sex.

   to the ppl thinknig facebook is really charging...send your payments to: (my name), Po box...

   redneck word:debate...i was gonna go fishin today but forgot to bring debate

   On September 31st, 2011 Facebook will start charging you for your account. To avoid this, you MUST get NAKED, use a PERMANENT marker pen and write on your forehead the word S-U-C-K-E-R, and then stand on your dining room table and do the Macarena, all the

   too busy mopping the floor to turn off the faucet.