Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If there was a game show based off of Mario Party, I would definitely want to be on it,

   Since we start counting at one, zero is"countless." Therefore, I have slept with countless girls.

   “One man's trash is another man's treasure” is an awesome phrase, but it's a horrible way to tell your kid they're adopted.

   If a woman is talking in the forest and no ones around to hear her, is she still wrong?

   Take two, you know you got good bud when you stink up the whole HOUSE before you spark it. Sorry I'm high :D

   Some play hard to get, I play hard to want.

   The worries that I bury in my mind continue to pop up like Thriller zombies who can't dance.

   If Paranormal Activity 3, The Ring, and Poltergeist taught me anything, it's that little girls are absolutely terrifying.

   The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.

   Youtube needs to fix the comment section so you don't need to search through 10 pages to find the start of an argument.

   If you are the "other person" in a relationship and eventually get together, you have no reason to be angry if they cheat on you later.

   Get ready for a thousand Gaddafi jokes *yawn*

   RIP Gaddafi. No? Ok.

   I have a six pack. yep. six pack of crayons

   free food stamps 252-366-4998 and BBW call me now

   Sometimes when you watch Jersey Shore or Keeping Up With the Kardshians, you can feel your brain cells dying.

   ____&_____ <----- This totally looks like a person scooting there as$ on the floor..lol

   So I met this prostitute who said she'd do anything for $10. Guess who got his car washed?

   Girl:i"d French kiss you. Guy: I'd Australian kiss you Girl: What's that? Guy: A french kiss only down under ;)

   Most surprising thing about yesterday's 16-hour NBA talks: It was only 2 hours of talks, and 14 hours of "Y'all Ready for This?