life Funny Status Messages

   Females don't want much from you except your time, attention, space, food, shirts, fun, bed covers, passwords, credit cards, life, soul......

   Respect cost you nothing.....but disrespect can cost you your mfn life

   My life is just a series of flight or flight responses.

   nothing in life is free. Everything has a price. Every action has a consequence.

   You can never trust anyone 100%. Suicide is proof that you can't even trust yourself with your own life.

   I've probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator

   It's just a rough patch. ~ my entire life apparently

   The best moments of my life when I was at my happiest, you will not find pictures of them on social media because I was too engrossed in the moment to think about taking a selfie of it.

   Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, if that doesn't accurately describe my life I don't know what does

   Dear Life...Would you at least start using lubricant in 2015.

   People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucked yesterday, it’s probably still going to suck today in 2015...

   People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow

   Dear Chocolate Covered Blueberries, Seriously where have you been all my life? I can see why your big sister Chocolate Covered Cherries has kept you secret all these years. Wow.

   my life is like Jurassic Park but with no dinosaurs, just the part about a fat guy who resents his employer

   Michael Brown lived a thug life and died a thug death. Let it go.

   The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why.

   Life is too short to remove the USB safely.

   Kids today are so coddled- Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you loved

   Next time I make a comment about an ugly Christmas sweater I'm going to make sure there is a party going on. Another life lesson learned!

   No matter how bad life seems, just remember,,, You can order live bees on the internet.