Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Me? Stalk? Nah, I just observe... behind a tree... at night..in the rain

   Dear children, When you look under your bed, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.

   What's on the board: 2•54/57(7+5/8)²•ab-c³ What teacher sees: 2+2=4 What you see: すきうせちし what you remember: __________

   i try not to act suspicious when passing police even though I'm innocent O.o

   "Don't Be Smart With Me!".... Okay Mom,.... i'll just be dumb. Sounds great

   Lost your pen = no pen. No pen = no notes. No notes = no study. No study = fail. Fail = no diploma. So NEVER, EVER lose your pen

   That depressing moment when your parents don't appreciate the hilarious child they have been blessed with :P

   You can't be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn't work that way. You're already hard to want..." -Peter Griffin

   Spongebob: hey can I talk with you for a second? Squidward: I dont know thats a pretty long time

   "Are you as bored as I am?" Read that backwards, it still makes sense.

   Guilty people answer questions with a question

   I'm not shy, I'm holding back my awesomeness, so I don't intimidate you ;P

   My life will not be complete until I've walked away from an explosion in slow motion

   You can't face the problem, if the problem is your face.

   I shall open my own deli and my slogan will be: "No one beats my meat!"

   Thank you exes I am the way I am because of u

   A new drug has been developed for lesbi@ns with depression. It's called "Trycoxagain"

   Mexican Word for the day is : CHICKEN ....Usage: "My wife wanted me to go to the store for her, but chicken go herself!"

   They had 16 and pregnant, now can we get an '18 and graduated' or '21 and Established?' Then again, y'all ain't gon watch that, shame.

   I attribute most of my good days to a couple of people with voodoo dolls canceling each other out.