Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If a wheelchair athlete used WD-40, would it be considered a performance enhancing substance?

   You know what's more disturbing than the tears of a clown? That would be the semen of a clown.

   I went to go get some buffalo wings from KFC and they were completely sold out! I'm not surprised. After all, it is black Friday.

   You'd think bringing sexy back would be hard work but all I had to so was wake up and get outta bed....

   The only good Black Friday is the one with Chris Tucker and Ice Cube!!

   Oh snap if gas gets below $3 a gallon looks like I can start dating girls out side my city limits....Whoop Whoop

   I failed.Again.Like any normal loser would.

   wish they had black friday deals for college tuitions tho..

   The best part of Black Friday? Waiting outside the stores for exhausted women on endorphin highs to come out.

   Google+ is quickly becoming the "gym membership" of social networking: We all join, but nobody actually uses it.

   The best thing about partaking in the secret santa at work means I can finally give one special lady the mustache trimmer she so desperately needs.

   Notice the same people that complain about being broke are the same people that are updating status saying out shopping on Black Friday.

   Why is it you never see people checking in at the adult toy store?

   Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.

   Black Friday... America's version of "Running of the bulls!"

   I'm REALLY good in bed...I stay on my side and I rearly steal all the covers

   I believe I Will be wrapping all my gifts in insulation this year since everybody's itching to see what I got them!

   You looked good until I realized one of your eyes don't blink and now I can't stop starring at it!

   You Know They Cheating on you when the expiration date on the condoms you left magically changes from 7/2012 to 9/2013

   A picture may say a thousand words...but with Photoshop, it tells a thousand lies!