Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4164 of 6446

Your Christmas present will be all the more meaningful to me if you had to pepper spray someone in order to get it.
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12-20-2011 01:31
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Nothing that Facebook changes will ever keep me from stalking you.
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12-20-2011 01:30
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I smashed open my piggy bank earlier. I've got just about enough in it to buy a new piggy bank.
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12-20-2011 01:28
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Ladies: you know your eyebrows are bad when you go to a funeral looking real happy.
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12-20-2011 01:27
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The bra section. The only place in the world where you fail if you get an A.
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12-20-2011 01:22
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Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? I pulled up next to this chick in the car putting on mascara and it just didnt look right with those yellow teeth!
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12-20-2011 01:07 by jitney
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If at fist you don't succeed, Google it, and see if someone else screwed it up the way you did.
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12-20-2011 01:05
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Life is a b!tch, and Monday's its son..
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12-20-2011 00:50 by g0re
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Right now your holding your phone in your right hand, having your 3 fingers behind, your pinky on the bottom & scrolling down with your thumb! :)
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12-20-2011 00:46 by g0re
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RUMORS are carried by HATERS, spread by FOOLS and accepted by IDIOTS.
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12-20-2011 00:25
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Dear God, its me again. If you are not busy making rich people richer, can I have a minute of your time please?
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12-20-2011 00:06
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Im gonna laugh when the day comes when our generation is saying "You spoiled little brats! All we had in our day was Xbox's, PS3's, iphones, flat-screen tv's & laptops, you ungrateful little sh!t"
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12-19-2011 23:42 by g0re
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These girls in my online class are sooo hot hot. ... Oh wait nevermind, that's just internet porn.

Kim Jong il last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."
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12-19-2011 23:16
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I'm looking for a LeBron James sort of relationship. No ring and I can disappear when you really need me.
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12-19-2011 22:49 by fadolo
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Putting your iPod on shuffle… “not this one.” (←_←) “or this one.” (←_←) “BINGO!” ~(','~) (~',')~ \('-'\) (/'-')/ \('-'\) (/'-')/
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12-19-2011 22:39 by fadolo
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Jesus had a snuggie first
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12-19-2011 22:28 by fadolo
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The phases of a Relationship: 1. ;-) 2. :-* 3. XOXO 4. XXX 5. EX
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12-19-2011 22:05
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Thank goodness Jon Bon Jovi is alive after all, Nickleback would be nothing without him.
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12-19-2011 22:04 by MikeM
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dont ask me to lower my standards for you to raise your average!!
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12-19-2011 21:54 by shelly
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