Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Aww man....I hate it when I catch a major headache hours before the countdown to the New Year's. Waking up at 4am....feels like I got thrown in the future....Where am I? What year is it ppl?

   Happy New Ears! Your old ears were fine, but congrats on your new ones!

   They say the key to a woman's heart is an unexpected gift at an unexpected time. I call "BS". Apparently it's not romantic to give a woman a see-thru nighty during confirmation.

   2012 is looking better. I had a twosome..... Woohoo!

   Getting up with a massive headache and in an Unknown apartment.. well I suppose I had a good start to new years.. Wish you all the same.. Happy New Year !!

   Ok, so it's 2012. Shouldn't we be living like the Jetsons by now?

   I was standing in front of the mirror earlier, admiring my six pack for hours. Then I decide to put it back in the fridge and get a bottle of Champagne ... HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!!

   R.I.P to the virginitys about to be lost tonight.

   ‎2012 has arrived on schedule. Please wait until the New Year has come to a complete STOP before unfastening your seatbelts....

   Silly hairdresser, always puts my cape on backwards.

   Im pretty sure the Mayans' calendar is wrong, I mean they DISAPPEARED a thousand years ago.

   Gentlemen Never forget that a girl is your friend only until she finds a boyfriend.

   New Year Resolutions are silly to me. If you're not on the right path already, the change of a new year won't help. Its just another day, just a different number.

   Y2K EVERYONE! Y2K! Oh wait that was 12 years ago...

   That sad moment when it´s already new year in Portugal and everybody in my country and all around the all are partying really hard and I´m in home. In ther internet. Sadness. Fap time.

   Happy New Year everybody! I know its a bit early but I often suffer from premature congratulations!. :(

   its time to shuffle the deck and throw out all the jokers.

   I got a fresh loaf of bread now I'm ready for my new years toast.

   bringing my pet Mogwai with me to a New Years Eve party.

   BREAKING NEWS: Apple has announced that there will be no 2012, only 2011S.