Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Christmas was best when I used to believe in Santa Claus... I wanna be 19 again.

   No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a sword.

   "Welcome To The Jingle" ~ Bells

   If you're really going to make me choose sides I guess I'll go with fries and a coke.

   D.N.A actually stands for National Dyslexic Association

   If you were walking through the Mall today and saw me sitting in Santa's lap , it isn't what you think .

   All those years of phone sex has caught up with my grandfather. He has hearing AIDS

   Delta: Don't Expect Luggage To Arrive

   Tampax will discontinue tampons with strings on them, it appears that midgets have been stepping on the string.

   we spend the money we don't have, to buy the things we don't need, to impress the people we don't like.

   How you get sleepy after crying, It's like your mind is telling you, “you've suffered enough, it's time to shut down for a bit.”

   The best cure for insomnia is a Monday morning.

   Hate it when insurance companies sends the settlement with my name mispelled and right address..

   Birthdays then- 'Wow! Look at all these presents!' ... Birthdays now- 'Wow! Look at all these notifications!'

   Some people may hate you for being different & not living by society's standards, but deep down... they wish they had the courage to do the same

   Ho Ho Ho= the first 3 girls on Santas naughty list

   I try to let women think I'm mysterious and not hard up....that's why I wait a good 45 seconds before I Poke someone back on facebook.

   If men are from Mars, that would explain why we try to probe everything.

   Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is SethMacFarlane and his Evil Genius.....and an Occupy Wall St. Family Guy!

   every time I hear that jolly fat guy with the red suit and reindeer belt out his familiar "Hoe Hoe Hoe"....I cannot help looking around for my ex girlfriend