Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I blew up my air mattress and now it's asking for a cigarette.

   Was I supposed to write something here?

   Tim Tebow predicted Alabama's win at 3:16 this afternoon

   if you can't win an argument, correct their grammar instead.

   Love? No I prefer vodka

   Thought of something brilliant? Just google it, and you will soon realize how uncreative you really are.

   With the money they have they could of bought a better baby name......

   the fact that a Facebook reminder told me it was your birthday doesn't make it any less special.

   With a tv rating of 31.6 million. Average yard per pass was 31.6 yards and total yards was 316. Id say tebow is on to something. Dont believe those stats. Look it up.....

   after you break down in a car you feel so violated, you don't even want the car no more.

   No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.

   Dont go broke trying to look RICH....act your wage!

   A disturbing new study finds that studies are disturbing.

   I swear I was just eating a bowl of cheerios and I saw Tim Tbow's face

   OFF is the general direction in which I would like you to Fuck

   Alabama: The land of Gump.

   If karma doesn't hit you, I swear I will first..

   Tim Tebow is the most famous white Bronco since OJ's truck

   Good friends dont let you do stupid things....alone

   Some people are like trees, they take forever to grow up.