Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Hey Rihanna, do you mind if me if me, Lil Wayne, Drake & the guys skateboard on your forehead?

   Keep your woman close and your cell phone closer!

   waking up early is for the birds....

   if you use the word "chillaxin" your automatically a cornball in my book.

   if you act like a douche i'm gonna call you "eve"

   Spongebob is Definetly Asian! he's Yellow! he knows Karate and he cant drive.

   No peace at home = no piece at home.

   Dont be disappointed if ppl refuse to help you.... remember the words of Einstein.... "Im thankful for those who said "NO" because of them I did it myself!" ツ ♡

   I haven't spoken to my wife in 8 days because she hates it when I interrupt her

   I blew up my air mattress and now it's asking for a cigarette.

   Was I supposed to write something here?

   Tim Tebow predicted Alabama's win at 3:16 this afternoon

   if you can't win an argument, correct their grammar instead.

   Love? No I prefer vodka

   Thought of something brilliant? Just google it, and you will soon realize how uncreative you really are.

   With the money they have they could of bought a better baby name......

   the fact that a Facebook reminder told me it was your birthday doesn't make it any less special.

   With a tv rating of 31.6 million. Average yard per pass was 31.6 yards and total yards was 316. Id say tebow is on to something. Dont believe those stats. Look it up.....

   after you break down in a car you feel so violated, you don't even want the car no more.

   No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.