Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I woke up humping the wall of my pillow fort, in case you were wondering how my s@x life is going.

   I now know that asking "How 'bout those Packers" gets you a different response from gay men verses the straight ones.

   ~• << Picture of me when I was younger, I was so cute. :D

   somebody stole my bookbag, now I dont have a pillow to use in class.. .

   wonders if there is a connection beween Jennifer Hudson's Weight loss & Hostess filing Chapter 11

   You know you are addicted to Facebook when you log off Facebook..... turn your computer off.... go to bed, roll over & put the covers on you and log onto your Facebook from your phone one last time for the night.

    says celebrating MLK day by drinking MILK and eatin' some cookies...Oreos as a matter of fact. However I'm seperating the dark from the white part :Y

   celebrating MLK day by drinking MILK and eatin' some cookies...

   I don't understand banks. Why do they attach chains to their pens. If I'm trusting you with my money, you should trust me with your pens.

   I don't understand why people don't see the beauty in asthma attacks, Personally, I find them breathtaking.

   Call Me. I can't wait to tell you about my vow of silence!

   If I ever run into Captian Crunch, I'm gonna punch him in the roof of his mouth.

   I went and saw beauty and the beast the other day, it wasn't as interesting as I thought it would be. He was pushing a cart and she was drinking a diet coke while sifting through the 5 dollar movies at Wal Mart........

   While Obama was on the campaign trail for President, he said, if elected he was going to go "page by page eleminating the programs that do not work"...nobody had any idea that he was refering to the White House cable guide...

   I'm wearing my pants today at half mast....are you??

   whats the difference between MLK day and ST Patty's day?? --Everyone wants to be Irish on St Pattys day!!

   Eating a Lunchable should be classified as an extreme sport.

   Teacher: 'David, if you have 5 sweets, and Paco asks you for 1 sweet, how many sweets do you have left??' David: '5'

   Today we celebrate Martin Luther King by schools and offices closing, no mail or banking. Tomorrow is Ben Franklin's birthday. Will we celebrate by not having electricity? Just wondering.

   I hate waiting in lines. I wish this lady would hurry up and pick a suspect already."