Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Truck commercials are getting ridiculous. Just waiting for one with an F850 pulling planet earth. Built Ford Tough.

   If you put your finger in someone's butt you're legally married to that person in at least 46 states.

   They probably just called her an "explorer" because "Dora the Drug Mule" didn't rhyme.

   I think we should follow new people.

   There comes a time in every man's life when he starts using this phrase.

   Don't forget to put the word "organic" in your tweets, so you can charge more for them.

   Remember that movie from the 80's where Robert Downey Jr. blew a guy and then died from a coke overdose? Was that "Gremlins"?

   Tip! If the party invitation mentions 'festivities', 'ball pit' and 'face painting' - it's most definitely B.Y.O.B. You are welcome!

   enough with the Marty McFly posts! George Carlin traveled back from the year 2688 to help out Bill and Ted but you don't see me posting about it!

   No lie speech to text is cool until you say "I'll be off work in fifteen" and it sends "I like to beat off jerks and teens" *RJ*

   I went to Walmart on my way home tonight and this guy was buying camping gear and women thongs, makes you wonder what the hell he is doing later.

   starting the diet on monday or when walgreens runs out of maked down christmas candy

   Life is the school Love is the lesson and sex the homework. so don't forget to do the homework tonight

   Canadian 25, quit making all these deep quotes. We like hockey, ice fishing, and naked chicks in touqes doiing stuff.

   I wish I could collect all the tears you made me cry.. So I could DROWN you in them :(

   I know Canadians are generally boring people, but canadian25 you need to be arrested and charged with killing funny on this platform.

   I know the Students have returned to school, But when did our once funny site become a Agony Aunt, lighten up people. Personal problems are Personal !!

   If men never decided to overlook the emotional craziness of women, humans would become extinct.

   Has any one seen dolly partons face she looks like the joker WTF..HAPPENED.!!!

   Girls don't be proud if every guy wants you... Cheap items have many buyers