Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I can't possibly get eight hours of sleep a day because my work hours add up to seven

   For guys, Valentines day is yet another lets-give-it-a-shot-at-having-sex-with-her day.

   I got a dig bick. You this read wrong. You read that wrong too.

   Be careful who you call your friends. I'd rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies

   Practical joke idea: all of us go back to MySpace for one week, get Tom all excited, and then leave again

   And some people wonder why their test grades are so low.. Or jobs suck so much.. Well when your names DaWanda IDGAFCHOOCHOOTRAIN Jonez.. On your application...NEXT!

   Reminder - Valentine's Day is only a couple weeks away, it's not too late to break up..........

   I dunno if I'm loud enough but I need you to pay attension to whats about to happen to me...

   As a kid, I use to talk to the fan so I can hear my ROBOT voices.

   What do you think i'm some kind of Summoner?

   Kia recalls 146,000 US vehicles - there are gonna be a LOT of angry hamsters!

   What do women want? (I'm bored and this should be very entertaing)

   The older your Facebook post, The "Creepier " your like becomes.

   Parents: You can help fight childhood obesity by stop feeding your child, fatty foods!!

   facebook..... its like The Hotel California... You can check in at any time... But you can't never leave!!!

   There's a rumor going around that Google will be changing it's name to Skynet.

   I like big chested women. And pirates.

   Anyone know the price of Subway footlongs? Wished they tell us somehow

   Home: the place I can poop for as long as I want to.

   My neighbor asked me to look something up on my "internet machine".