Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   a single chest hair doesn't mean you're grown. if you have to write how manly you are, you're not manly

   You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?

   If steroids are illegal for athletes, shouldn't Photoshop be illegal models?

   LIKE if you text someone a paragraph and then 30 minutes later you get a lame reply saying “LOL”.

   Odds are there is someone who is your “Facebook Friend” that you absolutely cannot stand and the only reason you keep them on your list is to watch their slow untimely demise.

   “LOL” is the new way of saying “I really have nothing to say.”

   Three things that shouldn't be broken : friendships, hearts and promises.

   “They dared me to” is ALWAYS a valid excuse.

   Reasons I check my voicemail: 1% to hear the message. 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.

   LIKE IF you put things in a safe place and then forget where the safe place is.

   Yea, I end a Facebook conversation by hitting the (LIKE) button on the last comment.

   the only "kony" I'm supporting is the one that goes in my mouth.

   A teacher, once said, that, I overused commas. What she didn't understand, at all, was that I was writing, like Christopher Walken speaks.

   HOW LONG IS THIS DORITOS COMMERCIAL!? Grandma, that's just Jersey Shore...

   Gas prices are about $3.95 a gallon and females still think guys are coming over to just "CHILL"

   Anyone else got that one drawer they wish they never opened?

   was gonna donate blood until the lady got all personal and started asking "who's blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"

   Daylight Savings Time doesn't officially start until 2am... but don't worry about trying to remember to set your clocks... I will be calling everybody then to remind you...

   You can keep your love, your trust is what attracts me.

   Junk- something you keep for years so you can throw it away three weeks before you need it.