Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Rihanna should date Lebron James.. He never beats anyone.

   Burglars broke into Kanye West's home. As a result, 500 statues of Kanye West are missing.

   Fathers Day in the ghetto must be so damn confusing...

   Happy Father's Day to all the dads...and whoever's raising T.O.'s kids.

   Man people are really beating this Rodney king story to death

   Facebook now lets you put a star on the people you want to follow more closely. I was going to do that until I realized... isn't that what Hitler did?

   I wonder what Lebron got Delonte West for Father's Day?

   There is NO WAY I could ever be an organ donor. I would, however, consider giving away my drum set.

   I'll fix your computer, but I don't do Windows. ~Mac repairmen

   Definition of hitting rock bottom: Stopping for a burger & fries so I could eat something on the way to pick up the pizza I just ordered.

   I wish I could enable cookies in my tummy's browser.

   I want to live on a deserted island. Not because it's tropical, but because I hate people.

   Life puts a continual set of roadblocks in our way. Keep knocking that sh*t down and move forward.

   Early to bed, early to rise, while your girlfriend does other guys.

   The desire to roll around in mud while getting tasered and scraped by barbed wire early in the morning eludes me. It sounds like rough sex without the safe word. #NoThanks

   Thank God I'm an Atheist.

   You summoned the Piss Wizard! Urine trouble now

   Rodney King is dead at age 47. Anyone who stole a TV thanks to the ass-kicking this man took should honor him in a moment of silence

   When I go to Subway and a guy makes my sandwhich, it just doesnt taste the same...

   I think we can all learn something from Rodney Kings death.....Never ever ever under any circumstances have a pool party with Robert Wagner!