Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The way Police check to see if you're wearing your seat belt they should do to make sure ''Certain'' people are wearing Condoms!!!

   At a Hotal a Man accidentally bumps into a Woman beside him and as he does his elbow touches her Brea$t. The man says ''Ma'am if your heart is as soft as your brea$t I know you'll forgive me!'' Her ''If your Pen!$ is as hard as your elbow I'm in room 436

   Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me. Everyone I told swore they wouldn't tell anyone else

   What's the point of a high school reunion? I have Facebook. I already know you got Fat

   There are certain things in life that are a waste of time and energy. That's why I don't hold in my farts

   when I get on facebook I get excited when I see the red numbers over the globe thing, until I open it and find it is for a stupid game request

   I think instead of "LOL"....Im gonna go with "SALTS" (Smiled a little then stopped). Its more truthful

   Let me know when you're off your Man-Period!!!

   Chick-fil-a announced today they have a new policy concerning patrons! ....Men will no longer be able to share their ''Nuggets!''

   Sherman Hemsley, aka George Jefferson, is movin' on up. Yeah, movin' on up to a deluxe apartment in the sky. RIP George

   The view of your Bedroom is perfect from this tree!

   it poontang or puddingtang?.....I need to know real fast this English Composition is due today!!!

   You don't have to be Crazy to be my friend!........But it sure helps!

   Women sex toys cost money for Batteries! Men's sex toys cost money for rent, clothes, groceries.......

   Never in my life have I ever seen someone so excited to take a sh!t!----Those Bears in the Charmin commercial

   It's going to feel real good to wack the next person I catch in the office kitchen with the paper towel roll that has half a piece left due to their lack of laziness!!!

   It's going to feel real good to wack the next person I catch in the office kitchen who leaves a half peice of paper towel on the roll and finds it to lazy to open up a new one!!!

   A North Korean man announce yesterday that his Dog gave birth to a 1/2 Dog 1/2 Cat offspring! Also referred to in Korea as the #2 ''Combo''!!!

   RIP ... George Jefferson.....Father of Swag

   Just to remind you: about 152 Days left to Christmas and 148 until the end of world happens again! Enjoy it!